“You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.” Robin Williams

It’s early morning. I’m writing from my favourite spot. My kitchen table which is surrounded by windows on three sides, and I feel as if I am in a tree house. It’s a dark morning. It’s not raining anymore, but the wind sends a bustle through the trees, their leaves shake and sashay, and the rainwater falls from them. It feels like summer is winding down. Robin Williams passed away this week.

It’s difficult to imagine his struggles with addiction and depression living in the same person as his brilliant cathartic comedy, and deeply absorbing dramatic roles. The three sides of Robin must have all been vying for his attention at the same time. And in that one desperate moment where the demons over shadowed the other parts, they swallowed him up. It’s so very sad, and really hard to wrap our heads around his pain, his choice, and this ending.

It makes me think about how we know people. For the most part we don’t really know what lies beneath the surface of even those we are close with. There are parts of our lives that we keep well tucked away. Maybe because they scare us, or we are fearful of the scrutiny, feel trapped, or perhaps it’s that we can’t fathom a way out. The heartache is that his choice was made in the devastation of a single moment. That is what is so hard I think for us to reconcile.

The news of Robin Williams has triggered me to reflect about how we get through the dark times in our life. The past five years have been wrought with a number of challenges for me. At first I was scared to let my friends and family know what was going on in my life. Scared they would think different of me. So many scenarios played out in my mind. I took the risk and shared my story with those people who were closest to me, and my gift has been deeper, more caring, and real relationships. And, opening up has allowed me to connect with myself, feel empowered and move forward. I have learned so much, and have so much more now to give.

Not to be cliché, but as I am writing the sun is trying to come out, and for a brief moment I feel the rays bring some welcome warmth. And, I guess that is my answer.  That’s about as concise and simple as it gets. Life lives. And, if we can get through the moment, there is the hope that possibility lies around the corner.