Category Archives: Life Is

Julia

Life Is, Love, More Posts

My mother-in-law used to close her eyes as if by doing so she could close out anything that was weighing on her mind, or unpleasant in her life. Confrontations she didn’t want to have, realizations that were too late, the Cancer that in the end would claim her life. Next month will mark a year since her passing and she is very much on my mind.

For most of my married life we would speak almost every day. We shared a lot of secrets. I miss her. There were so many details of her life that I know she still wanted to tell me, and much I wanted to talk to her about. That is the pain of loss. Those missed moments. Those are hard to reconcile.

The other day I closed my eyes to shut out some things I didn’t want to deal with and I understood her. She was an intensely private woman, and rarely would allow anyone to see what lay beneath the surface. Julia was in every explanation of the word a ‘remarkable’ woman. Her particular passion for life was born from the hardships of being raised in a tight walk up in Toronto’s Harbord village in the 1920’s. Her parents were immigrant Jews and she the eldest of three; and the one with the absolute yearning for her own bed, heating and beautiful dresses. She married and moved to the same situation in her husband’s small family home. She worked hard and created her way out.

Her particular gift was her vision. And with that she orchestrated and navigated the voyage from shoes distributed in the basket of her husband’s bicycle to the flagship store on the best retail corner in the city. He might have had the charisma to charm his clients and suppliers in New York, Florence and Milan, but she had the foresight. She understood what branding the store was before it became a catchword in the industry. She knew it in her bones.

She was our Jackie ‘O’, with her small frame, beautiful features, legs that could enchant a sailor or president, and a flare for putting herself together that honestly deserves a coffee table book. This was very much a big part of who she was and the image of the public Julia, but there was more to her. I knew the intellectual woman who was open to far-reaching ideas, incredibly well read, interested and interesting, who loved art and science and was deeply inquisitive. And I loved how she felt at home in my home. And, the whimsical side of her, that sat at tea parties with my daughters, and kept the soft bunny we bought her on her bed.

I thought I would have more time with her. In her last days, she would rest her head on my chest as I tried to stroke the pain from her forehead and shoulders. I can’t tell you how that feeling of her releasing any façade to me, the softness and the love that I felt from her in that small moment resonates through all of me.

I understood the things she locked away in her heart when she closed her eyes. I think that is why I feel her so profoundly in my chest, as I write this. In some ways it has connected us like a locket, with both our pictures on the inner sides and closed.

Triplets

Life Is, More Posts, Muse

I have this thing that I do. Well, let me just add an addendum. When I do this, it is wonderful. It makes a difference in my life. And I am going to re-commit myself to this process and hope that you will join me.

It’s how I start my day when I am at my most productive, creative and focused self. It’s a technique that I call triplets. It is equal time of meditation, stretching and writing.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a minute each or twenty minutes each. What matters is the discipline of the doing of all three components. Daily is best. But, if not daily then designate specific days and stick to it.

Meditation: Easy meditation. Sit cross-legged on the floor or pillow. Or, sit on a chair with both feet on the ground and your legs not crossed. Straight back. Open heart. Hand placed gently on thighs. Eyes are softly open or gently closed. You are not trying to tune out the world; you are practicing tuning in to yourself. All you do is focus on the breath. Notice your inhale and your exhale. That’s it. If a thought trails across your mind, watch it go by and don’t give it attention. Listen to the rhythm of your body in the breath. It’s not big deep cleansing breaths; you haven’t had time to be stressed yet! It’s simply breathing in and breathing out.

Stretching: Create a series of movements that feel good for you. I like to do a few sequences of salutation to the sun. But honestly, it’s the idea of moving your body in ways that give you a sense of release and centering. Stretch your arms above your head, up to your tip toes and take a deep breath, and then release the breath and fold your body reaching your hands to the floor, let your head hang gently and feel the stretch and release along your spine and the backs of your legs. Gently come up one vertebra at a time. Repeat. It’s that simple.

Writing: Take out your journal. Write by hand. No computer. Open to a page. Date it. Write about anything you want. How you felt about your breath. What you are worried about. Good things in your life. Gratitude. Fear. Anxiety. People. A poem. What you see out the window. What you dreamed about last night. What are your dreams? You get the idea. The only rule is that it has to be hand written and it has to be timed. You are not writing a novel. You are just writing for it’s own sake. And whatever comes out is good.

That’s triplets. Practice this. Start with 2 minute of each as soon as you get out of bed. Set the timer on your phone so that you know your beginning and your end of each section. Work up to ten minutes each. Then treat yourself to a lovely glass of water, some tea or a coffee. It is an amazing beginning to your day. Let me know how it’s going.

Is it in the stars?

Life Is, Muse

Are we living the lives we were meant to lead, are we happy, are our lives within our control, or is it written in the stars?

I have written a book. It has taken me years, and years….and years. It is not published. I have received seven really flattering rejections. “Exceptional writing” “A beautiful, touching story, I’m sure you will find a publisher.” “Your use of language is exquisite.” But they are not taking on my book. A girl could get depressed. But, there is always the dream, and the belief that someday IT will happen. My book will get published, my articles will appear in The New York Times, and I will be one of those first time authors whose book becomes a movie. Am I delusional, have my eyes been covered with rose coloured glasses for too long, or does perseverance gallantly mount the white horse at some point?

My hope is that along the road of perseverance the white horse will gallop beside me and a very handsome publisher will swoop me up, and drop me off at Harper Collins.

Fifty…

Life Is

There are parts of my fifties that I love, parts of myself that I have figured out. I only wear pale pink lipstick. Even though people always suggest a brighter shade. It’s not who I am. I like pale lips, and I’m good with it. I’m not stuck. I thought I would never get my ears pierced. I did. I still prefer a white t-shirt, faded jeans, flip-flops. Although these days I can’t get my jeans done up and the white t-shirts need to be flowy. Diamonds and opals are the perfect accessory. I live in Toronto, but Laguna Beach is the home of my imagination. Born on the upside of ’56, Woodstock remains a destination of my idealistic heart.

As the last trimester of my fifties broke through the hot sweats, so did a resurgence of ‘me’, an inner emphasis on discovering myself in different terms.

I am accommodating within an inch of my life, because that is who I am. I am a solver. Where my daughters are concerned, I will go ‘over the top’ as my husband cynically remarks, to create, and nurture their dreams, some of which they didn’t know they had. And now, perhaps a little late, I am asking, “Where do I fit in to all this?” I don’t think this is a post mid-life crisis, I’m pretty sure it’s sheer panic, a bit of a twist on the biological clock theory. The clock is ticking at a dizzying pace. I have a lot to accomplish.

It is, so to speak, the time of our season. Our lives are constantly in flux, we are ‘go with the flow’ kind of girls, we think on the run, and make decisions in the moment. Then, we change, re-group, and go at it again. We are immersed in the lives of our families, and good for us, we have raised fabulous children, despite ourselves. And now, faced with what we want for our own lives, we are out of sorts, somewhat uncomfortable, traversing uncharted territory. A piece of our life is complete in a way that we never expected. And it happened in a heartbeat. And, in many ways, it is just like being eighteen again. What are we going to do? Who do we want to be with? I’m not sure in this case that our life experience gives us the edge.

Once again I look to Joni for answers, “We can’t return we can only look behind from where we came and go round and round and round in the circle game…”

Ingredients

Life Is, More Posts, Recipe

Some people seem to have all the ingredients of their lives set out on the counter, measured, tossed into the pan or bowl at various times, baked, brewed or grilled, somehow always to perfection. Their soufflés never fall. At least that is how it appears.

It’s a mirage. Everybody has stuff. That’s just the way life is. Yes, some people have more stuff than others, but nobody goes through this life without something. Our lives are complicated, and the ones we think have it all together, the ones whose lives we envy, those are often the most messed up. The intricacies of relationships, family, love, business, desire, well….those are the details that rarely follow the course of least resistance.

Most people who are really, really good cooks will not be able to direct you specifically to a carved in stone recipe, it’s more like the recipe is their guide and they deviate off the path as it comes to them. Life is a lot like that. There is only so much you can plan. And, there is certainly a whole bunch of tossing the ingredients in to the pot and seeing if it works out along the way.

My friend Ellie attended my first recipe for life club party. I asked everyone to bring a story and a recipe. She brought the ingredients for a chocolate turtle martini, a martini glass that reads, “I love nights that I can’t remember”, and an apron that says, “keep calm, carry on”.

She is my fun friend. She keeps me balanced. I can be overly introspective and she knows how to listen and support me, and she is the person I can laugh with as well. She lives life fully. She travels, goes to concerts, (she just saw the Rolling Stone concert 4 times…) opened a fashion boutique called Shenkin West, she loves colour. She is the fuchsia and chartreuse, to my white and beige. And when things work out she says, “the ingredients were right”. So here’s to mixing and concocting and creating our lives. Cheers!

Rob’s Chocolate Turtle Martini

Recipe courtesy Rob Harpest

1 drink

Ingredients

Cocoa Powder

Powdered sugar

Caramel sauce, in a squeeze bottle with a very small tip

Chocolate Sauce

2 ounces vanilla vodka (recommended: Stoli Vanilla)

2 ounces white creme de cacao

2 ounces Praline New Orleans Style Pecan Liqueur

Crushed ice

Roasted pecan halves, for garnish

Roughly chopped chocolate squares, for garnish

Directions

First, sweeten the cocoa powder to your liking by mixing the cocoa and powdered sugar. Take a large martini glass and very carefully coat the rim in caramel sauce from the squeeze bottle, being careful not to let it drip too far down the sides.

Then, dip the entire rim of the glass into the sweetened cocoa powder, being sure to coat all of the caramel. The desired effect is a chocolate dusted caramel rim. If available, I also like to put just a drop of chocolate syrup at the bottom of the glass for color.

For the drink, shake the vodka, Creme de Cacao and praline liqueur in a martini shaker with ice to chill. Fill the martini glass nearly full with crushed or shaved ice, being careful not to touch the rim. Strain the drink into the martini glass.

Garnish atop the floating ice with a roasted pecan half and a small piece of chopped chocolate. Alternately, I have garnished it with a half of a Turtle candy by making an incision and hanging it on the rim of the glass. Whichever you prefer.