I am pretty much an empty nester. I thought this would be sad, but woohoo! My front hall is neater. The coats are hung up instead of over the rail, or on the floor with the knapsacks, purses, water bottles, and sweaters, socks, gym bags, that are never going to make it up to the bedroom or down to the laundry any time soon.  Towel service is at a minimum, I don’t cook much, and the house is never too hot or too cold. I text, talk and e-mail with my girls everyday. I have degrees of separation. We go for brunch, lunch, coffee, and they come for dinner every Friday night, which I love, love, love.

It’s way easier to let them be and let it go when there is some distance. My eldest has been living away from home since she secured her first job after graduation. She was determined for her independence.  My middle just moved out this past December. That was a big transition. My youngest, who will graduate this year, will likely not be home for long, although truthfully I will look forward to whatever time she would like to spend with me.

I am a mother. I feel the joys and heartaches of my daughters, poignantly.  I know them in my bones. Even things they don’t want to share with me, I intuit. Mothers are like that. My restless nights are usually spent tossing and turning over a decision they have made, or have to make, an unrest they may feel, or the men in their lives. Mothers are like that.  The parenting myth is that we have control over the lives of our children. We certainly have upbringing and influence on our side, but their life decisions are theirs to own. Let it be and let it go.

My happiness is intrinsically woven into the fabric of their lives. I completely understand, advocate that we are responsible for our own happiness, and that we can’t rely on others to make us happy. But, there is a certain peace in the kind of happiness we feel when our children are content. It’s just the way it is. Mother’s are like that. I think it has something to do with ducks. Remember that childhood rhyme about the five little ducks that went out one day, a widdle, waddle, widdle, waddle all the way, and one by one the ducks went their own way, then with mother duck’s quack, quack, quack they all came back. Well, it’s like that, ducks in a row.

Last night was one of those tossing nights. So I am up at five in the morning writing, listening to music and watching the light wash over the street. Stray cat, lone runner, three planes going somewhere. I am so blessed to have my girls, these amazing grown women in my life, to share my life with and to go to concerts, travel, have fun.

Bringing my ducks together brings me such pleasure. When they step in to their light and live their incredible, beautiful lives, I am full. And, I feel washed in my own light as well. I like this time in my life. I like the space to create, experience and discover in my own way, for me.  My nest feels full. Let it go, let it be, let there be light.