We go to retreats, ashrams, and on pilgrimages to find the parts of ourselves that we feel we have lost along the way, and to find meaning and joy in our lives. It makes me wonder, do we have to go away to find ourselves?

I always feel like getting away! I’m not so interested in plopping down on a chair with an umbrella and a margarita, rather, having adventures, exploring the landscape, and discovering what lies within. Is it soul searching? Absolutely. Am I running away from my life? For sure, and why not! Do I think contemplations and conundrums will be different if I go somewhere else? No, as it’s said, ‘it’s just geography’. We follow ourselves wherever we go.

I asked Vivian Saffer, an integrative coach what her thoughts were on this. She says, “That’s the illusion. That the ‘thinking mind’ believes we will find ourselves somewhere else! Well, it’s true that being in a new environment, we do turn off some of the mental noise that’s triggered in our usual space, and yes we may become conscious of some our unconscious patterns. But, the truth is, we take ourselves, and our mind patterns wherever we go! So, we can never escape. The practice is finding the peace that exists right here, right now. Our true essence is always within us; it takes awareness to connect with it.”

Self discovery does not have times and places, it is ongoing, and takes detours, maneuvers in surprising ways, hits obstacles and sails smoothly into the sunset; all at any given moment. These days I am taking the time to explore my beliefs and attitudes, to take risks, make different decisions, and empower myself to create.

I think there are many stages, degrees and ways of unearthing what lies beneath our surface, and that this expedition is ongoing, and ever changing. Being ready to answer the big questions comes with time. Our early forays are more like treasure hunts, later they become part of our journey, and find their succinct ways of expression. Are the things that I counted on as tangible still the ideals and lifestyle I cling to? No doubt, a sojourn can put us in touch with our thoughts in a way that we find hard to access at home, at our desk, or with our family, but it is true, we still have to come home to ourselves. But, in any case a walk along the beach collecting shells sounds exquisite.

My mother used to say she had “many lives”. Now I understand that it wasn’t just geography. It wasn’t only about immigrating to Canada from England, starting over, raising four children with roots in one life and buds in another; or about health, money, grief, or finding happiness. It was also about who she was at these intervals, how she had to change or adjust her thinking to accommodate and navigate all these passages of her many lives.

As women, we intuit the diversities, challenges, blessings and joys of our family and find paths of compassion and adaptation. We have to figure out who we are in the light of the many facets of our relationships. We come to crossroads more often, and there are decisions to make, directions to turn. And, we have to peel off the layers of our complacency and release our core, be true to ourselves, and travel in our hearts, souls and on planes to territories yet discovered.